I had my fair share of crying my pains away, not just once, but several times because of a love that has gone sour, or a relationship that went nowhere. At a very young age, one would think I would swear off guys for good for hurting my heart. I guess, I was just stubborn as a mule. I still dated several times after getting myself hurt. I learned a lot from meeting new people. I became mature, and stable with my emotions and thinking. Until I found the one… the one I would marry and be with for eternity. If we could have it that way.

What did I learn from all these dating, falling in love, and being in a relationship mishaps when I was dumped and hurt many times? A LOT!

Putting yourself and your emotions out there can be very scary because you can be vulnerable to all kinds of elements. Sometimes, you may not like what you see or feel especially if you are trailing on something like checking free dating sites to get back in the game. But it is all part of the dating, falling in love, and being in a relationship thing. How did I still manage to go on more dates, loving, and being in a solid relationship? Well, let me share some tips based on my experience and the painful pivotal moments that helped me get back on my feet and stay sane.


Photo by Kat J on Unsplash

Yes, you have to let it all out. If you are hurt, cry. If you are sad, cry. If you are missing being in a relationship, cry. Let your tears flow.

Crying eases the pain, and also clears your head afterwards. It helps nourish the heart, and brings balance to your mind. Clearing those tear ducts also helps in improving your mood.

One day, you will find yourself tired from all that crying. Then it’s high time to move on.

Move on

Easier said than done. It takes a lot of will power to do this but remember, that one small step towards being at peace will make a difference to your heart, and mental health.

Remove stuff that reminds you of the painful past relationship. I may not have the most popular opinion here but I say, delete those photos with the ex, donate stuff he had given you because they could trigger episodes of pain and loneliness which will not be good for your overall well-being. The last thing you need is a trigger.

Find new hobbies

It is about time to give yourself a break and focus your energy to something more positive and fulfilling. Maybe you can tag your family and friends along to join you in an arts and crafts classes, or volunteer in your hospice or animal shelter.

Exercise or do Yoga

Exercise releases endorphins which are the happy hormones in the human body. And these are natural hormones that will uplift your mood, and will make you feel good in the process. Focus your energy on giving yourself a healthy body, and a sound mind with exercise, or yoga. Releasing the negative vibes and tension from yourself will give you a sense of renewed body and mind.

Think positive and happy thoughts

It is a good attraction when you think of happy thoughts and positive ones. Those positive vibes reflect on your well-being and aura. The more positive thoughts you think, the happier you become, the better your heart heals, and the more peace of mind you attain.

Being positive and happy makes you stronger and ready to face life’s challenges.

Meet new people

Photo by Joshua Ness on Unsplash

Perhaps you may still find it a bit odd to socialize again and meet new people when you’ve just finished licking your wounds. Do not entertain that thought. Go out with friends. Go on a group date if you feel you are 100% ready but do not confine yourself to your office and home.

Meeting new people can give you a new perspective in life. It can also broaden your network, and even find yourself enjoying the company of new people. Maybe next thing you know it, you are happily entertaining the thought of checking WeLoveDates and snickering to yourself that this time, you know better.


Love and respect yourself

All the tips I have shared above will be futile if you will not love and respect yourself. There is a fine line between being narcissistic to giving yourself a healthy dose self-love. That self-love is giving yourself the time and attention to heal but also come out victorious. It is a choice that you make to better yourself. A healthy love for oneself gives you the power to be courageous. It is knowing when to get-out of a relationship because you deserve better. It is giving yourself a greater value no other people can without being haughty about it because it requires great responsibility to be constantly conscious of yourself through reflections.

Give yourself that respect too. You need to be able to stand up with your head held high; dignity intact. Respect yourself enough to know when it is time to let go and move on.

Dating, falling in love, and being in a relationship is not all that bad. Let’s just be real and accept the fact that nothing is perfect. We learn many things when we are in a relationship or in the dating stage. For one, we learn to respect each other’s differences and work a way to make those differences jive than collide.

I hope you will not give up on love.

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