I have always believed in the saying “Follow your dreams,” and “Never Giver Up On Your Dreams.” Those two were like broken record mantra I kept repeating in my head. And for as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to migrate and settle to a foreign land. That childhood thought got stuck in my head and heart but changing times, and changing circumstances in my life have proven to me how difficult it is to achieve that dream.

So, whatever happened to my broken-record mantra? Long story short, I failed several times in achieving that dream. It’s not like I didn’t try. For one, I have had managed to get my husband in the bandwagon in my dream when we were still in our late twenties, testing the waters of a young married life with a small kid in tow.

Back then, my hubby was still a System Analyst, a very in-demand job at the country we were eyeing to settle in for our daughter’s sake and future. We had our pre-assessment done by the immigration office of that country. During that time, the qualifications to pass as immigrant were different and scoring was based in many aspects that had yielded a passing score for us as a family to migrate in “that” country. I remember crying and shaking while reading the “passed” state of our initial application, so we were asked to proceed to the 2nd step, the formal submission of our documents that would seal the deal. And that was when we stopped for many reasons. But mainly, we had very little faith. We thought, we didn’t have enough money to sustain a new life abroad. Our hot pants suddenly became cold feet.

I have kept that envelope where we had passed the assessment for a long time. I was already here in Dubai when I disposed it, burying my long dream of living to one of the countries I have considered since I was a child. But the size of a mustard seed would shame both the size of our faiths. We didn’t believe we could because we didn’t have faith even as big as a mustard seed. So, that opportunity passed. Until recently again when this silent nagging inside me persists. I checked the immigration policies and criteria again for that country. It is harder now than the time we submitted our paper works. So I did another pre-assessment. My husband and I actually failed because of our “age and family ties.” This is what happens when you let an opportunity slip by. The next one may never come.

I have seen friends and families fulfill their dreams to migrate while my husband has already set his heart and mind to retire in the Philippines. I am the rebellious one. My heart and mind still have other plans. The little ember still burns inside. I am dreaming about it while also being more open to alternatives, and considering a retirement life back home too. However, if I can have it my way, I will go back in time, and send those documents because scary as it may seem that time, I know our families would rally behind us to see our dreams come true.

If the migration process and rules change again in that country and would consider our age, then by all means, the failed initial attempt will be triumphant next time. And this time, my faith has grown the size of a mountain. It may be scary but my Lord is bigger than my fears.

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