Why do dogs come to your life in a brief moment and yet, make you love them with all the love you can give for a lifetime? Why do they steal your heart and leave you so soon? Why?
Today is probably my worst day when it comes to making a decision. When I adopted Millie, I knew she wouldn’t be with us forever but I never imagined myself having to make that final decision for her when “it’s time.” It is something I kept pushing at the back of my mind because Millie is a very perky and fun loving dog. So, to see her in distress, not eating, losing weight, and being lethargic is very painful for me.
She has been sick on and off for few weeks now. It started mid-week of January when all of a sudden, her breath started smelling funky, she didn’t want to eat her favourite food and treats, she just slept most of the time, and drank water like there’s no tomorrow. So, I brought her to the vet last Jan. 22 for a check up. The vet didn’t take sample of her blood and told me it was tooth decay and probably some issues internally. When he said “internally,” I should have taken that cue and went to another vet for a second opinion. But, Millie got better for almost 2 weeks until last week, her symptoms came back and worse. She lost a lot of weight, has totally not eaten for many days, just drank water like a fish, and has been vomiting on and off. I took her back to a different vet this time who took blood tests… The result wasn’t good nor promising. It was my worst fears being reaffirmed in black and white.
All my suspicions have been confirmed with the blood test result. Her kidneys were starting to fail, and soon, it would be her liver. She is still not in pain but will soon be. And that is the very moment I had to make the hardest decision in my life. My hubby and I decided to let her take her “final sleep” on Wednesday. Her blood work was just not hopeful. There is no dialysis centre in Dubai to help Millie through and even then, there is no assurance she would recover.
I feel bad all over. I feel like I failed her. I feel like I am an awful person for having to decide that but I couldn’t bear to see her suffer for long. I want to be selfish. I want her to be with me longer, if possible, forever. But that’s not how it all works. I have to let go…
Come Wednesday, Feb. 10, I will say my good-bye to my most favourite dog in the planet. She is not my dog. She is my family. We have her for the last 6 years; 6 years full of happiness and unconditional love that our Millie could ever give us. The more I am with her, the more I realise how genuine a dog’s love is. And for as long as I will live, I will always have my Millie in my heart. There can never be another Millie for me.
I LOVE YOU MILLIE. ON WEDNESDAY, MUCH AS IT WILL CRUSH MY HEART INTO MILLION PIECES, I HAVE TO LET YOU GO. SO RUN FREE AND FEEL NO PAIN ANYMORE. YOU HAVE BEEN A VERY, VERY GOOD DOG MILLIE. YES YOU ARE…
Update – 9 Feb. 2016:
Millie has crossed the rainbow bridge today, Feb. 9, 2016 in the afternoon. She was starting to suffer and was not getting any better. We decided to take her back to the vet and say our final goodbyes.
I am missing her already… badly.
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