I can’t describe the heaviness of my heart today. It’s like an elephant is stepping on it. I am in so much pain, my heart is heavy, my head is spinning, and I am very, very lonely.

I know, some people might not understand why dog lovers like myself can be so affected by the passing of their pet. For one, Millie is not a pet. She is a family member. And she is gone.


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The “sisters”

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Millie loved being carried like a baby

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Papa and Millie’s stare fest

 

We have her for more than 6 years and in all those years, all she gave was happiness, unconditional love, and her extreme loyalty. We fell in love with her the moment we adopted her from the previous owners. We knew, right there and then, she was the one who would fill the void of not having another child at home.

I didn’t consider Millie as a pet. She was more like a child to me. Since I was not able to conceive again after my first born, Millie filled that void, that longing for another child. So yes, Millie has wrapped our hearts in her furry paw. And we couldn’t complain.

The decision we had made was a very painful and difficult one. We didn’t wish to be put in the position to play God on her fate. Who were we to say “it’s time?” But she was starting to suffer. Her vomits were becoming aplenty and laboured. I know she was starting to feel pain because when I lightly brushed her body, she winced. It wasn’t a good sight and I didn’t want to see more of how Millie would lose all her vigour.

We had to take her back today. I hugged her for the last time and whispered how much we all loved her and we will always do. It wasn’t easy to leave her there but we couldn’t bear to watch the procedure. We were assured that she would be in deep sleep and would not feel anything. And so with that, we held Millie for the last time.


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Saying good bye


Coming home to an empty room, bereft of the pitter patter of my furry baby is unusual and awfully sad. Millie’s food and water bowls are still on the floor where she regularly had her chow time. Her bed is still near my night stand where I could hold her paw before we went to sleep. Her doggie blanket still has her scent. I see all her stuff, but I won’t be able to hug her anymore.

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I suddenly feel the emptiness in our house…

 

I will terribly miss those beady eyes that stare lovingly to mine. I will miss that small scratch on the bathroom door when she wants to get in. I will miss her wet nose nudging my arms and hand when she wants a pat on the head and a good belly rub. I will miss the sniffing on the door when “Papa” is about to come in. I will miss the excited and perky Millie who loved to run towards the door to greet us. And most especially, I will really miss the love, devotion, the time she spent helping me recover from my depression last year. She showed me all the love I need when sometimes I felt I didn’t feel it from the people I love. But Millie was there, all the time.

They said, losing a precious fur baby is not easy. They take so much from you and how you wish they just live forever so you won’t miss them.

It won’t be the same anymore. Some people already asked if I wanted another dog, my reply, “not this time.” There can never be another Millie. There’s only one Millie in our lives. And she’s gone…

Good bye my very best friend. I am sorry that I am not brave enough to hold your paw as you draw your last breath. I am really sorry if I failed you somehow. I hope you forgive me baby. We will be reunited someday. And when that time comes, please welcome me the way you did here on Earth. I love you Millie. We ALL love you. You’re the best dog one can ever have. Run free now…

 

And this is how I want to remember you Millie – happy, playful, diva, barkaholic, loving, and loyal…


Photo credit: themommalogues.com

Photo credit: themommalogues.com

 

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