Well, I bid 2015 a bitter-sweet good bye. It’s time to let go of the past and move on…
I remember entering 2015 with hope and positivity. I am not sure what happened along the way when things got a little shaky and all I could remember was feeling rueful for many, many mistakes and decisions I have made in the past that weren’t favourable to what I wanted to achieve.
I remember towards the middle part of 2015 being extremely sad to the point of losing hope in many things. I didn’t get the promotion I wanted (this was early 2015). I got by-passed in many undertakings in our department. I had to deal with the financial pressure of providing for my family back home. I had to scour the web for paid tasks. I had severed ties with some people (well, to my defence, it was a good decision to purge my life of negative people wearing me down) in my circle (both in the office and personal). My mom was in ICU for more than a week. My brother had personal problems. There were just too many to deal with in one given time.
I clammed more. I went out less. I communicated seldom. I practically went almost hermitical because I preferred to be alone and silent in those trying months were my methods of coping and dealing with personal issues I couldn’t share with anyone. I was also missing my daughter so much whom I have shared my inner thoughts and feelings with. I always tell my sentiments to her and even if I knew those words fell in deaf ears at times, I knew she was just right there to listen when she wanted to. But since she went back to the Philippines for her collegiate studies, I was left most part of the days alone with my diva dog. I am pretty sure my husband didn’t even know what I was going through. And to top it all, I think I entered the “silent passage” of menopausal too. The raging hormones are just crazy, even to this day. I was confused. I was lonely. I was bitter. I was sad. But most of all, I felt I was lost.
And then, to while away my time at home after office hours, I opened up my Etsy store which didn’t make much sales except for one. Although it was too soon to close it (I opened only for a month), I wasn’t ready to pay for the monthly fees when there wasn’t much sales coming. I had to fold soon before I incur losses. So, another one of my dreams bit the dust.
Then the later part of 2015 got me thinking. What was I sad about? My failures? My inadequacies? My financial quagmires? The elusive promotion at work? The lack of family support and close friends? What was I really sad about? Then I had to do some soul searching. I finally realised, I wasn’t focusing on the better parts of what had happened in 2015. I was just a one-track minded girl who wallowed on the pains and was ungrateful.
So, forward to 2016… I left 2015 right were it should be – in the past. I have learned to let go of some things that I pursued that were perhaps not meant to be mine, for example, the career growth. I stopped applying for promotions because I guess, my health is more important that having extra thousands of dirhams added in my bank account. I think, God is telling me to just take good care of my health first and the rest will just fall into place. Now, I will follow HIM. I know His plans are better than mine. So, even if I am one to believe in never, ever giving up on your dreams, sometimes, letting them go for the better good is something I will be willing to compromise with. I am happier now with that decision. There’s no pressure in climbing the corporate ladder. I think I am just tired doing that. I have better things to do with my personal life and that is where I will focus my attention to.
I learned to accept my individuality. I no longer want to please people. If they don’t like me, so be it. I am not going to deal with hypocrites because it’s not worth my time and effort. I have people around me who deserve my attention more than those simpletons do. So, I am moving on whether they like me or not.
Now, I am going to focus more on how to earn extra money with my blogs. I have been a bit of a slacker last year with my blogs. I didn’t have the energy at all to post regularly. I had missed some paid tasks which had never happened in the past years but 2015 was very different. I was really very sad for some time. I had to snap out of it.
So, this 2016, I will focus more on what are the essentials in my life: my family, my health, my close friends, my pet, my blogging activities, and my passion to create handmade crafts. And if you will notice, I have removed the career out of the equation. I think and feel I am more at peace now ever since I have let go of my career advancement goals. I felt not being pressured to accept more responsibilities when I already have so much on my plate. I have learned to let go and move one.
This year, it is all about empowerment, accepting my flaws, learning to appreciate even the littlest of things, expressing my gratitude more, complaining less, laughing harder, crying lesser, and loving more. Also, if the budget allows, I will travel more.
Right now, I just don’t care about the other people sucking my energy and might. I will just focus more on what is more beautiful and precious.
Life’s too short to wallow in regrets and bitterness. This is something I have realised. No matter how hard I try, if it wasn’t meant to be then it wasn’t meant to be. I have stopped pushing for the plans I have made for myself but have learned to follow what He has made for me. I don’t normally discern what God always tell but in the grand scheme of things, I know those plans will be presented to me in His perfect time.
For now, it’s just the 3rd day of the new year and I still have 362 blank pages to fill, hopefully with good thoughts and life’s experience. So, Happy New Year! Happy New Me!
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