I think I’m going through menopause much as I am trying to deny it. It may be very early to say but I feel and see the changes happening to me. Sometimes, I stop on my tracks and wonder, who and what I am becoming. I wonder…
Of lately, I have been very forgetful and that is very uncharacteristic of me. I used to have a sharp memory that I remember stuff down to the minute detail. But now, I just keep asking. I just forget and not because I am being stubborn (I don’t have to try that. I AM STUBBORN!) but I just can’t remember other stuff the way I used to. It’s like memory lapses.
I have also been seeing so many physical manifestations of peri-menopause and I guess it is a passage that one day would just hit me but it came too early, I think.
I feel like it is hot all the time even if the a/c is set to the lowest temperature. My mood swings are erratic and I get scared at myself too. One moment, I am this quiet, timid lady and next moment I feel like smacking the living daylight of some people. And this is stemming from something I am not sure of. All I know is that my patience is really, really volatile and I don’t take s$&* from anyone, and I mean ANYONE. Aside from that, my girth is expanding like a hot air balloon. I suppose it’s no longer called a muffin-top. It’s something else. I have yet to coin a word for my overflowing flab. And oh, the weight is not coming off too. It loves me too much it’s sticking like a glue. And how many times I have said “I HATE YOU” to my fats and there they are, stubborn like me. If there’s a way to donate them I would with love.
But I have to give credit to myself for having self-awareness. I try to control my emotions so I don’t snap at anyone. It is tough but I have to do it. I want to take charge of these changes, whether they are good or bad. And it’s not fun. Imagine riding a rollercoaster, NON-STOP. That is what I am feeling right now. Emotional. Sad. Happy. Stoic. Confident. Conscious. Lost. Found.
I told you it’s weird and it ain’t fun!
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