The 2nd and 3rd quarter of 2014 were testing times for me as problems came in every direction and hitting every aspect of my life. I momentarily found myself getting dragged deeper and deeper in a very dark place that I noticed my behaviour getting toxic again – a behaviour I was too familiar when I was still in my previous department.
The funny thing about the whole dark drama was that, my personal life was getting better but my work life wasn’t. I just felt I was stuck in a rut and much as I try to motivate myself, there was just no way to cheer me up.
I love my work, as a matter of fact, I love where I am right now. The only concern I have is not getting upgraded when I have already proven myself many times. It frustrates me to no end that I was at the verge of snapping and I got scared and had to go on leave for a while to recover, recharge and let the toxicity out of my system. So I went on a vacation leave and I came back fresh, renewed and “slightly” positively charged.
The end of 2014 held so much promises. My family back home is getting along well in spite of the loss of my adopted brother last November 2014. We were able to celebrate the most joyous occasion last December and to see happy faces, to hear hearty laughter, to listen to chitchats until the wee hours of the morning were enough to fill my “positive vibes tank.” I am so glad I went home because my family was instrumental in putting me back on track to a “good place” where I didn’t have to be the Queen B just to prove a point, I didn’t have to be snappy, I didn’t have to be upset, I didn’t have to worry, I didn’t have to be paranoid, I didn’t have to be negative and most importantly, I didn’t have to prove myself.
Well, my career is still stuck in a limbo after experiencing back-to-back rejections but what I am so proud of myself is that, I am still “hoping” and I am still “positive.” Yes, the rejections were painful and they hit hard on the gut but hey, I got in the final rounds for both the positions and that clearly says something in volumes! I AM CAPABLE, maybe it’s just not what God wants me to do.
I am happier now that I have found a good place to be – my own peace of mind. I started praying more, conversing with God more and reaching out to my family more. I have learned to let go and move on because life’s too short to worry about problems. I hope to sustain these new positive vibes and attract more vibrant energy and be surrounded by people who will uplift me in many ways as I face 2015 with HOPE.
A dear friend told me a while ago, “the promise of waiting is HOPE.” And I believe that.
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