I think I am overthinking my daughter’s impending trip back home for her collegiate studies. I haven’t been able to function really well at home. I haven’t been blogging and blog hopping as regular as I used to. My eating habit is totally derailed and my moods… Don’t even get me started!
I don’t know but I think I’m not handling this too well unlike my daughter who is just as cool as a cucumber. I don’t know how she does the “blocking” of emotions but I don’t and I can’t because I am a mother. I wear my heart on my sleeves. And it’s not easy.
I’m just a wee depressed lately thinking that I won’t be seeing my daughter regularly. It pains me too much to accept the fact that I have also failed her in some ways. We didn’t save up for her college funds and yet, we managed to buy properties to secure her. That was purely an honest mistake. Critics can cast stone to me and my husband but we thought and at the back of our hands, she was still a baby. We kept saying “next year, next year” and then it hit us. She’s in her last year in high school. This is one of the greatest lamentations of my life. How did I even let that happen? It’s not that we don’t have the means to support her education and all but we didn’t save enough for the college fees here in Dubai. I wish I did my research then so I could have prepared for this but it’s too late now. I failed her. We failed her.
So I am stuck in here, reeling with lots of emotions I cannot explain but can only feel and ascertain that they are not something someone would like to feel all in one go. It’s hard to stay focused and functional at the same time but I have to be strong for my daughter. I just hope I can go home and stay with her during the whole duration of her studies back home. But how can I?
I’m trying to be strong but I know I’m folding in some areas. I don’t know where to draw my strength because the negative emotions are all too powerful to subdue. I just pray I get over this too. It’s not going to be easy… Oh Lord, help me deal with this.
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