My daughter is growing up and she’s already seeing the ugly side of human nature first hand from the people around her. Before our Japan trip, my daughter was the chirpy, phone-hogging princess at home but as soon as we got back from our vacation, everything seem very, very different. Well, I have to give props for my kiddo for really being stern to me about information. She just won’t spill but you can’t fool a mother, can you?
I can tell from her actions, the way she talks, her sudden quiet demeanor, the lack of phone callers and the more matured person around the house I am not so familiar with. It can be many things:
Mood swings
Nah! My daughter never throws her tantrums nor pulls the PMS card on us because she knows it’s not going to work. Besides, giving PMS as reason all-the-freakin’-time is not a good excuse to be nasty and actually get away with it. That means, you’re just very rude. Plain and simple! But, she’s not like that. She never shows us her nasty side even if she is in a bad mood. She just plugs her earbuds, sit in a corner, read a good book or sleep. Once in a while you can make out from her snarky remarks that not everything is rosy for her that day but generally speaking, she’s a good kid not because she’s my daughter but because SHE IS.
Studies
I think her studies is just not her priority right now. I can tell because I see her grades. And probably, I’m nailing on her head the rigors of getting in La Salle but only because I have to. It is hard to get in. I should know. I graduated there. I went through all these college entrance exams on my own without the help of my folks. She’s pretty lucky that I am supportive of her endeavors. I guess, she’s just having an overdose of MOMMY.
Friends
This is the one that bothers me (not her, I think!). I noticed that her close friend is not her close friend anymore. Each time I ask, she’ll just smile and say, “I don’t know.” Whatever happened while we were away? How can my daughter do or say something stupid if she was away for a week? I don’t want to pester her about this because I respect her privacy and if I can only fight her battles, I will. But this is not my battle to fight. I don’t know what happened in the first place. If there’s anything, I just hope that the people that she thinks are her friends will realize how good my daughter is because if she wasn’t a great and true friend, she would have told me.
I can sense. Every mother has that ability to “feel it in their bones” that something is off. I know there is. I just don’t know what, why and how.
Crush issues
I’m kind of blank here. My daughter is very good in keeping things to herself and she’s not comfortable to share such information. Ok, I’ll back off for a while. But I hope she will realize what her priorities are. There is a time for young love. Just not now or at least delay it.
The impending trip back home
I think this is one of the more evident reasons why she’s quiet lately. She’s been asking us to not send her back to the Philippines. But we all agreed on this one. It is a lucrative thing to spend that much money on universities here when you can get better education back home in a short period of time. I hope she’ll realize that this is just a temporary arrangement until she finishes college. She can always come back here.
Of all those I stated above, I think and feel that a lot of things are going on in my daughter’s life. Most of them I don’t know but I pray that she will be wise enough to choose her battles. If it’s friends that is causing her to be miserable then I think it’s best to let those who make her miserable go. Probably, they’re not worth her time and emotions. If its her studies, I hope she’ll know that this is the perfect time to hone her time management and organizational skills. Wait until she gets to college… And if this young love thing is making her act weird like this quiet maiden in distress then I am not liking any of it.
As a mother, it pains me to see how my daughter is being alienated by people she trusted and thought as real friends. If my hunch is correct that her quiet ways these days are the effect of a broken friendship and a young love gone sour then baby, you just learned your first lesson in trust and love. Never give either one of them quickly. And never, ever be someone you are not. You’re not born in this world to please everybody. Those who will like you despite of your imperfections are the ones you can call true friends.
Princess, there are plenty of fish in the sea and it applies to choosing friends as well. You’ll win some, you’ll lose some but the beautiful part of that process is, you get to keep the real ones next time.
Choose your battles anak. Not everything is worth fighting for. Sometimes, you just shrug your shoulders and walk away. Let it go, just like what Elsa of Frozen sang. Let it go…
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So true. Though for a young age, it may be easier said than done and only thing to do is have her experience too – but then a good advice from a mother like you is always so help and she will realize everything in the end too 🙂
January 23, 2014 at 10:45 amwe’ve been through this process several times and learned our lessons and the reality of life, the lessons you’ve learned that you pass on to your daughter will help and guide her though it may be tough to understand at her age, but in time, she will learn and toughen so that when the next storm comes, she would do very well. looking back at how I was when I was young, probably her age, I am just so glad to have a very loving mom. your daughter is blessed to have you for being her, watching her, and feeling her pain too.
January 23, 2014 at 11:38 pmAww. I can definitely relate…I also have a growing daughter and each day I imagine myself thinking what she would become when she turns into a lady. I have been trying hard to protect her from the harshness in life but in such a way that it wouldn’t seem that I was choking her already 😀
January 24, 2014 at 12:30 amWe mothers can only do so much for our children and hope that it will be enough to take them through whatever challenges may come. I have no doubts your child will pull through whatever it is she’s going through right now because she knows she’ll always have your support whatever happens.
January 24, 2014 at 12:51 amThanks Ate Teresa. It gives me comfort from mommies like me who can imagine how it feels to be in this situation. I just hope she’ll snap out of it because it’s not good to sulk over people or things.
January 26, 2014 at 2:52 pmThe joys and pains of motherhood… I hear you. Although I’m not a mother myself, I surmise how tough it must be to handle issues like this one with your kid. I guess, this is just one of the growing up phase that she needs to experience and learn from.
I wish you the best!
January 24, 2014 at 3:55 amit’s always best to help and teach our kids about what would be worth fighting for.
January 24, 2014 at 4:10 amI guess, it’s just a phase they go through and face on their own but the way I see it your daughter seems equipped in getting past this.
January 24, 2014 at 4:47 amThank you Franc. I really hope so. I hope it’s not a “strong” front she’s putting up.
January 24, 2014 at 5:57 amI am having goosebumps while reading this post of yours, sis Ria! I can so feel you, even if my Triz is only 7 years old! Lol. I think it’s because we are so alike in our mothering skills. Ha ha! You kind of echo everything that I feel towards my daughter whenever she behaves or acts the way she is not supposed to, or a least, not according to how I expect her to. True enough, you can’t fool a mother. That’s what I always remind my daughter.
I am sorry for your unica hija for the burdens she has. The college life she will soon have seems like something that is against her will simply because she doesn’t want to be away from you. I hope s=once she starts college, she will realize the difference of the education and worth she is getting in our home country. She will I believe because she is smart! 🙂
January 24, 2014 at 6:05 am🙂 We’re kindred spirits sis Rcel. 🙂 You’re Triz is probably a mini version of my daughter so we tend to feel and think the same way towards them. I remind my daughter to be strong now because she’s just entering the real world.
January 26, 2014 at 2:50 pmOh the amount of times I have serious words and lectures about friendships and boyfriends! But the reality is they are growing up and there is nothing we can do about it apart from guide them and let them make their own mistakes. I was nodding all the way through this post, so relatable as you know sis. xxx
January 24, 2014 at 7:37 amI can imagine what you’re going through sis Ria. And you have 3 kids for that matter! 🙂 Kudos to you for raising Ellie well. I just hope I’m not making mistakes.
January 26, 2014 at 2:49 pmI have to agree Franc that this is just a phase most teenagers go through. You brought her up with a strong foundation, she is going to get through this without much trouble.
January 24, 2014 at 9:33 amThanks sis Liza. I pray that she gets over this phase and I hope it’s soon. I miss my perky child.
January 26, 2014 at 2:47 pmYes there are lot of battle with teenagers, but let them learn their lesson and guide them always, if you’re so strict they tend to be rebellious
January 24, 2014 at 10:54 amLike I told you, I can relate to this because it happened to me in high school too. Ang hirap lang ano, cuz as much as we want to meddle and make everything ok for our girls, we have to just keep distance and let them handle their troubles on their own.
January 24, 2014 at 12:44 pmI don’t blame her for feeling uneasy of going back home sis as you are not there. She is not used to be away from you guys so if I am in her shoes, I’d be stressful to the max.
January 24, 2014 at 1:19 pmHay sis, I wish there is a better way to solve that part. I’ve been praying for a miracle and until that miracle is granted, she’s going home to study. In my heart, I hope she doesn’t but we have to face the reality, we cannot afford the universities here. It’s like buying a property in Dasmarinas Village sis. It’s not worth the money.
January 26, 2014 at 2:46 pmPeople change and nothing is permanent. This will be just for a while. I also do change and it’s like a good change to me because when I was in high school, I was so quiet that I could survive a day without talking to other people but nowadays, I could just talk about everything.
Maybe it’s time to have a bonding and ask her anything even the personal ones. By listening to her, she may be able to share some problems and you can help her provide solutions or advice. I love asking people and just listen to them like a psychologist would do. Maybe you can try it and be more open to her.
I’m just suggesting here.. hehe! Maybe my idea won’t work but it’s worth a try.. 🙂
January 24, 2014 at 2:04 pmI’m starting to ease my way to her world and hopefully, she’ll let me in, even for a glimpse.
January 26, 2014 at 2:45 pmI hear you Sis. As I a mom,I know your concern with your daughter but I think you have nothing to worry about because you have brought her up so well and in perfect time, she’ll be able to communicate everything to you Sis.
Maybe she’s grown up and trying to be independent at an early age 🙂
January 24, 2014 at 2:19 pmI hope she’s not internalizing much sis Rovie. It’s the “internalizing” that freaks me out. She clams up and it worries me to no end.
January 26, 2014 at 2:44 pmThe down thing about teen girls is that they say, “I’m ok” although their faces shout out they are not, and I just get the real score on how they are feeling via an FB post
January 24, 2014 at 2:19 pmMy daughter is not very active in FB that’s why I can’t get much info sis Marie. I wish she’ll tell but I’ll respect her. I’ll constantly remind her that we love her and that people do too.
January 26, 2014 at 2:43 pmEvery stage of the kids has its challenges. It depends to the parents how we addressed the issues.
January 24, 2014 at 3:36 pmLaSalle din ba hubby mo sis? My former boss took hoer Masters at LaSalle.
January 24, 2014 at 6:00 pmAMA si hubby sis. 🙂
January 24, 2014 at 7:01 pmOh Sis Ria I wish I could help you 🙁 I hope that she can tell what bothers her. Communication always plays a big role in any relationship. I am not close to my Mama but oh how I wish that we can talk heart to heart and share to her my problems while growing up. It is not too late. You can send her an email or text message, hope this way she will try to open to you. I just hope that this is just a phase and that everything will be back to normal. Big hugs to you Sis 🙂
January 24, 2014 at 7:20 pmThanks for the hugs sis. I do need that and so does my daughter. I always remind her that she can approach me and her papa for anything. We will try our best to see things her way. She’s not that open yet maybe because sis, she really doesn’t know what happened. But whatever it is she is going through right now, I hope it will pass. I always tell her that “great things” and in her case “real friends” come to those who wait patiently. I just hope she’ll learn how to accept things and move on.
January 26, 2014 at 2:42 pmThis a tough situation especially when a mother feels it in her gut yet the child won’t talk… It could be anxiety about the change and all the fears attached to it. Maybe a mom and daughter outing could help ease the worry and get her talking… even a little bit?
January 24, 2014 at 11:19 pmThanks Elizabeth. As long as she knows the boundaries of her feeling “blue,” I will respect her privacy and space. Hopefully, she’ll snap out of it. Lately, she’s in the company of new friends. I hope she’ll finally find the real friends she deserves.
January 26, 2014 at 2:38 pmYou’re daughter is growing up so fast! Good thing you are there to guide her. Teens are very challenging for parents but I know you’ll do your best to make her feel happy. ^_^
January 25, 2014 at 9:21 amI try my best Channel and I hope I’m not failing. Thanks for your comment. 🙂
January 26, 2014 at 2:36 pm