I am not addressing this to my daughter because I don’t know if it’s applicable. I am writing this post for the other teens out there who are going through their very “first heart break.”
I remember the time when infatuation and puppy love were 2 of the most confusing aspect of my teen years. Why was I confused? First and foremost, I was the “dense” kind of person who couldn’t read the “signals” until the guy actually told me how he felt and second, my brain was in constant battle with my heart, all-the-time! Back then, if you’re only 15 and you talk about “young love” to your oldies, either you get a good smacking or a mouthful. So what I did, I kept my feelings to myself.
The confusion tore me so much that it changed my mood, personality and perception in life. Only to realize many years after, those times when I was confused and “broken hearted” over a crush or puppy love that never came to being was just a part of growing up.
I am not proud to admit it but I had my first “non-exclusive-mutual-understanding” relationship with a classmate when I was in Third Year high school. I must have been 14 that time. We knew we liked each other, everybody in school knew I liked him and he liked me. Of course, my parents didn’t know because they would say, kids my age couldn’t feel such emotions. But I proved them wrong, I felt the confusing emotions and went with what my heart dictated. I remembered my mom telling me to study first and not let love or infatuation get in the way of what was my main priority that time. I understood later on why my mom told me that because I remember vividly the pain I felt and how my world turned upside down when the “so-called-bf” decided to just let go. Let go of what? The feelings we had for each other or the whole “beautiful-non-exclusive-relationship?” And that too, coming from a guy! All those times, I thought, guys never leave girls. And girls usually do the breaking up. Boy, I was so wrong!
It was a long time before I stood up again from what seemed to be an eternity of pain. I had my first blow of heart break. My studies spiraled and it was my fault because all I could do was cry and wonder what I have said or done to make him not “like or love” me anymore? I had a moment of insecurity too because I thought, I wasn’t pretty enough, wasn’t tall enough, wasn’t perfect enough. And it’s not good for a young person to think of that because a younger mind with none existent experience on the matters of the heart would not be able to process the whole painful thing in a mature manner. It can be destructive for some kids.
I must have shed a million tears that time. My heart was crushed and what was more painful was, seeing him everyday in class and he would be laughing with friends and flirting with other girls when few days ago, we were together. It was bad!
All these pains I hid from my parents because I didn’t want them to worry and I thought I was mature enough to handle such experience. I was wrong. I needed my parents more than ever that time. They have been there and they know better.
You see young ones, everybody goes through the painful process of growing up. They call that growing pains. We have been there. We have gone through the process of sadness, anger, confusion and the beautiful part is the acceptance. Things will start and it will end too. It will not always be rosy like those Japanese manga anime you watch in TV. And more often, sometimes, the road will always be ONE-WAY. That means, that special feeling you feel inside will never, ever be reciprocated. Don’t feel bad about that. That’s how the world is. Always remember there will be other people out there who will accept, adore and make you their princess or prince. Now may not be the time but you will surely meet other people who will sweep you off your feet or make butterflies flutter in your stomach. Don’t rush love. Let it come to you naturally.
And if you are one of those who got hurt, acknowledge the pain. Cry if you must but never keep it to yourself. Tell an adult or an older sibling if you feel you cannot tell your parents. Allow a mature person to see things according to your perspective and let that adult talk senses to you. I will repeat myself over and over again, we have been there, we have done that and we have been hurt too. Who would be in a better authority to tell you stuff about love than us. Right?
Focus on your studies. Don’t let your heart break derail you from being the person that you should be – responsible. Love will come and go but your one shot to achieve your success in life relies more at this time in being a good student. Pour your attention to study more so the pain you’re feeling now will not ruin you. You will be surprised to know it that the pain is gone and you have higher grades than before. And you my dear friend, is a better person than the last time you checked the mirror. Trust me.
Engage in sports or hobbies you have been delaying for so long. It will drive your energy and attention to something productive and “happy.”
Pray, pray, pray. Nothing beats a lonely heart than a good chat with God. My very first heartbreak made me more closer to God. It enriched my spiritual ties and realized that prayers do help in the recovery. I have gotten broken hearted many times after the first and I was stronger each time I came out of those painful experiences due to prayers. He is my rock and as long as I believe in Him, He will keep me safe and strong.
Pick yourself up! Brush the dust off your knees, stand up and move on. Acceptance is the key to a healthy recovery. Don’t let pain ruin you. Control your life and not let your heart control you. There’s a reason why the head is above your heart so it can talk senses to your blindly-in-love heart. Let your brain tell you what to do for now until you’re old and mature enough to sort your feelings out.
Lastly, don’t ever, ever change to please someone or to win that person back. Have self-respect and treat yourself right. You deserve someone better. Enough said!
You are young. There are more opportunities and chances out there when you set foot in college. You will find others who will be deserving of your sincere emotion and the beautiful part is, the next time may be beautiful.
One day, you’ll reminisce all your past experiences in life and love and you’ll be surprised to know how feeble it was – the first heart break. You’ll laugh about it and maybe will tell your kids about how you went through your first heartbreak. But don’t underestimate that experience because it’s the first of many “love lessons” you’ll learn in life.
Be young, live young and enjoy life. Your parents will always be there for you. Talk to us. Talk to God.
And remember this, the heart will mend. It always does…
(photo credit: yahoo images)
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