When my daughter was pushing 13, I have noticed a sudden change in her behaviour. A behaviour that I didn’t appreciate nor liked. It was the “angst.”

My daughter has always been the sensible one in the family. Thank goodness for that. I think she is even more mature than me hahaha! However, when she entered the dreaded stage of puberty, she became a “little monster.”  She started answering back with matching facial expressions and “glaring looks.” Her tone of speaking changed. Most of her sentences were filled with sarcasm. I even asked her why she wanted to become the “sarcasm spewing machine” to which she quipped, “she wasn’t.”

I think, when she turned 14, her animosity even grew with her. She didn’t bang stuff or such but the way she responded was totally foul for us.  There was even a point where I asked her a simple question and she gave me a very nasty tirade. That did it for me! I lost my top and really gave her a nasty come back. I could not recall what I said but I guess it was very effective that she never did it again, up to this time.

When I was calm again and in my right frame of mind, I called her aside to discuss what had transpired. I told her that “not all teens go through the angst phase” in life so she could not  give me the excuse that it was part of being a teen ager. I broke that myth to her and told her a story about how I grew up as a teen.

I was never an angry child even until now. I could say, I was the quiet type who just minded my own business, respected my elders so much and give importance to the values my parents taught me. You could say, I was a goody-goody two shoes kid. So, it was not a surprise that I would carry that characteristic even at this age and time.  I knew that being a teenager meant that my hormones would be raging like a bull, the peer pressure would be high, I had to make a point that I was no longer a child (but not much as an adult as I would like them to treat me) and that I was becoming independent.

I went through the teen phase too but I knew then where I would draw the line. I respected my parents too much that I knew if I gave them problems, they would be hurt. I guess, part of my being a responsible kid is that deep belief in good karma and deep consideration for others.

I grew up just fine. I don’t recall answering back nor throwing hissy fits or even glaring back to my parents. I just did what I was told because that was what I wanted to be and what I wanted to show my younger sibling  that not because you were passing through a “gray” phase in your life, it didn’t mean you could pull away being a big “B” or an ass#$&@.

Puberty means, you would soon realize the value of what being an adult is and how to take responsibilities like one. Yes, the physical and emotional changes will be part of going through adolescence and they are confusing but it was not an excuse for my daughter to act like a total jerk to us who love her the most.

Not all teens have to be angry during that tumultuous period of trying to define yourself.  Acknowledge the anger, the fears, the craziness that go with it but never subject yourself to become one of the negative traits of  puberty.

Everything changed after that long and serious talk with my daughter. I guess she realized that she doesn’t have to be angry while being a teenager. There is so much to enjoy at that age and I want her to feel that. There are times when she shows a frowned look when asked to do something and I just casually remind her of “the talk” and like magic, she loses the frown.

Do you have teens? Are they into that “angst” phase in their teen life? How are you dealing with it?

 

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