I’m not sure if I’m supposed to say this but I’m not very happy with my husband’s and my decision to transfer her to another school. She already spent half of her life in her former school and she was happy. The decision had to be made because she will go back to the Philippines for her university studies and her British curriculum is not acknowledged back home.
So, the inevitable happened. We had to transfer her to another school that is accredited back home and no one in the family is happy about it. I have nothing against the school but like any parent, we have our preferences. We wanted the best for our daughter and completing her high school in the British school is one of our dreams for her.
Socially, she’s having fun. She even likes her classmates and teachers and I think and feel that is a step forward. However, I have learned that there’s someone in her class who hates her and her other friend who happened to be from the former British school as my daughter was. Not that this “boy” is bullying my daughter and her friend, it’s just that, I find it really weird that my daughter had to tell me she can’t remember saying or doing anything untoward against this fellow to be the subject of his “hate.”
Why hate? I asked myself too? Hate is such a strong word, don’t you think. I felt a tight tug in my heart but as a mother, I cannot be swayed and be biased about the whole thing. I just told her shrug her shoulder and move on. I even told her not to “hate” the other fellow but instead, pray for him. He’s probably a lost kid and full of insecurities in life. I also told her not to be mean to the other guy just because he doesn’t like her. Just be herself and not to mind him.
I feel sad hearing this. My daughter is a very well-liked kid back in her old school and I feel she deserves the same kind treatment she gives others as well, whether she is new or not. I hope she doesn’t get branded “the girl from the British school” in her new school just because she doesn’t speak Tagalog that much. It’s not her fault and she and her friend certainly doesn’t need that kind of treatment.
Anyway, my kiddo is a trooper. She normally doesn’t sulk nor show any feelings of hurt. She’s one tough cookie. I just hope she’s not internalizing everything because I want her to have fun in her new environment.
How would you react if you knew someone’s hating your kid in school?
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Sounds like the other kids is more jealous than anything else. I’ve experienced bullying with my 8 year old because he has a disability. It’s not a good feeling but we worked through it with the teachers and the other parent. If it gets too uncomfortable for your daughter I would suggest getting the school involved as well.
October 13, 2013 at 1:31 pmThanks for the words of advice. I am ready to elevate the issue if it reaches the point that this fellow is causing so much trouble for my daughter. I do pray it doesn’t reach that way but if it does, we’re ready to call in reinforcement. 🙂
October 14, 2013 at 7:29 amI am sorry to hear about your daughter. I think talk is the best answer to know why he hate your daughter.
October 13, 2013 at 5:37 pmThanks Juliana. At this point, I just advised my daughter to steer clear of the fellow. She doesn’t have to expound on the situation as long as this guy doesn’t hurt my kid in any other way or form.
October 14, 2013 at 7:28 amBullies are just bad news. It is good that your daughter has all the positive experiences when she was younger to reflect on and knows she is well liked. Unfortunately there is a lot of hate in our world.
October 13, 2013 at 8:14 pmI agree Jessica. I’m not sure why they like tormenting other kids. I guess they just have deep-rooted issues to sort and a way to cover that up is to pretend they’re strong but inside, they’re not. I always tell my daughter to treat others with kindness even if she knows that person doesn’t like her. I believe in planting good seeds. 🙂
October 14, 2013 at 7:27 amI have dealt with this with my children too. Unfortunately this is part of life. There will be people that like you and people that hate you. I think the most important thing to teach your daughter is how to cope with it. Coping with this situation will prepare her for adulthood.
October 13, 2013 at 9:03 pmThanks for the advice Melinda. I do hope that all the things we taught our daughter will be put into good and sensible use esp in cases like this.
October 14, 2013 at 7:25 amI’m hoping its just a case of the immature boy crush where he picks on the girls he likes and not something that will turn into bullying later. Best of luck!
October 13, 2013 at 9:36 pm🙂 I did tell my daughter that sometimes, when guys pick on you all the time, that can only mean one thing – they’re crushing on you… 🙂 I also hope it doesn’t turn into bullying because I won’t let that happen. I’ve been bullied too while I was in school but I stood up against bullying. And the same way I fought these bullies will be the same way I would deal with my daughter’s issues which I do pray does not lead to that. Thanks for the concern.
October 14, 2013 at 7:24 amWell first of all, how old is your daughter? It sounds like she is in high school? If that is the case, not everyone is going to get along… not even in middle school. There will always be conflict but I think it’s important to teach your daughter how to be strong and confident in who she is and to always be decent to the other person and not give them a reason to hate her. On another note… why did your husband transfer her w/out your approval? I would think this would be a decision the two of you should make together, no?
October 14, 2013 at 2:11 amHi Danielle,
My daughter is in HS and she’s 15. I did tell her the realities of life that not everyone will like her no matter what. She’s a sensible kid and I’m sure she won’t do anything against the other person unless it leads to outright bullying. Then we will intervene.
I had hesitations transferring her to a Filipino led curriculum for the reason that I feel she would have a better opportunity if she finished in the British Curriculum but then, hubby’s notion is that, practicality wise since she’s going to study back home not here in Dubai, it was best to adapt to the Filipino curriculum so she didn’t have to repeat another year in HS when she goes back to the Philippines. I think that was a fair enough reason but it’s the hidden desire in me to really let her finish in the British school even if it meant making her repeat another year in HS and that would surely push back her schedule in college. I felt it was not the right thing but it was the most sensible one so I had to concede. 🙁
October 14, 2013 at 7:22 amIMHO, I think it had been better if you let her finish there, what’s one year of repeating in high school? I think it would have been good for her, if she hasn’t been speaking Tagalog, that one year would give her enough time to learn the language…
I’m looking at a another side of this, maybe the kid is infatuated with your daughter – you know, the usual papansin style ng boys. 😀
It may not be our norm but, I’ve been used to speaking with a child’s parents in case there are occurrences where my kids get at the end of mistreatment. It’s for the parents to deal with their bully kids…
October 16, 2013 at 9:05 pmI have a funny feeling too that it’s more of a “infatuation” thing than the hate eh.
I deeply regret the move to the new school but in our household, we have to think of the benefits my daughter will have when she’s in college. I would prefer she finish her schooling in the international school and repeat another year but my hubby is very particular of the timeline. So be it. I can only hope and pray that my daughter will enjoy her stay in the Phil. school because socially, she’s having so much fun. Academics… I don’t even know where to begin… 🙁
October 18, 2013 at 9:44 amYou know it is sad today how some kids may act towards others. Sometimes its just because they are just mean, and sometimes its cause their home life. It is a way for them to release on someone else. Not saying it’s right at all! Because it’s not, especially when no reason to hate someone is given. I do hope your daughter can move along okay without having to deal with another student who may have some kind of problem.
October 14, 2013 at 9:20 pmThat’s true Marie. It’s beyond my understanding how and why some kids can be very mean. Is it genetics, society, wrong upbringing, media or lack of moral compass? It’s baffling how the younger generation can be exposed to so much badness, sadness and violence. There should be no room for bullies in the world 🙁
October 15, 2013 at 9:46 amI would further investigate sis because kids nowadays are really different. It is always our maternal instinct to protect our children and it is not a good feeling if your kids tells you something.
October 14, 2013 at 11:09 pmYou said it sis. I have reminded my daughter to keep a close watch but not to be too obsessed about it. For all we know, the guy might be crushing on her. You know how boys are 🙂
I do hope it doesn’t progress to any negative stuff. I trust my daughter’s sensibilities and common sense not to escalate matters and to just shrug it off. However, I did tell her to not let him hurt her in anyway because that’s a different story. I’d march straight to the school and make sure his bullying is addressed approriately and in front of the school authorities and his parents.
October 15, 2013 at 9:50 amAgree sis. Your post reminds me of what had happened this week. Last Monday, I was waiting at the gate of the school for my daughter as my son was already out and one of her classmates came out and told me that she and other girls are talking to their teachers. My initial reaction was “Is she in trouble?” and her classmate said no which was a big relief. When she came out I immediately asked her what was the issue and she said that their teacher asked them about one of their classmates if that student was bossing them around. So they told them the truth.
Now prior to that, I have noticed that this particular student is bossing her around. I volunteer in school on Wednesdays and I observe how other students interact with my kids. I asked my daughter if it bothers her that this particular student is kind of telling her what to do and what not to do. She told me that sometimes it annoys her because even when she is right, that particular student does not want to listen.
Glad that finally some students have seen it too and that’s why the teacher talked to them. Their teacher talked to me yesterday and said that she took care of the issue. She told me that she talk to my daughter because she’s one of the matured one even though she’s the youngest one in the class. That made me feel so good and proud.
Sorry for the long blah hahaha..
October 17, 2013 at 1:02 pmI appreciate you sis for sharing your daughter’s story. It’s actually every parents’ horror stories in school when they know their kids are being targeted for some reason. Good thing, our kids are the mature and sensible ones who know when to “choose and fight their battles.”
I told my daughter to keep a close watch on the guy and don’t let her guard down. She’s surrounded by great kids anyway and some male classmates as well to protect her and the friend.
I have a funny feeling sis that it’s the case of “infatuation” to my daughter and her friend. I remember my classmate before who loved to tease me, destroyed my project and even poked fun at me that I cried all the time because he was picking on me. Until I told my mom and the teacher about. Who would have thought… He lied me so much that he was calling for my attention in unconventional ways… Guess who courted me several years later? That silly classmate of mine…hahahaha…
Boys have a way of dealing with their feelings. Oftentimes, especially those awkward pubescents, they tend to make a fool of themselves rather than tackling their “infatuation” maturely.
October 18, 2013 at 9:38 amI probably think the same that this young man have a crush towards your daughter. But if the situation becomes unbearable, it definitely need the help of the school to look at the issue. I hope that your daughter won’t take it so seriously so as not affect her studies.
October 15, 2013 at 11:37 amIn life, we’ll meet people who hate us even if we are not doing anything wrong to them (school, workplace, travel). The best thing to do is to plant good seeds (Yes) or just stay away from the negative people while praying for them to find inner happiness. – this is not just for your daughter but for all.
October 16, 2013 at 2:03 pmI like using British English, I used to follow the English curriculum when I teach in Thailand and I enjoyed it. The only problem most British English especially if you’re in Western it is not acceptable and it could be a grammar error since the meaning and usage is so different especially the spelling.
If ever my daughter would encounter this kind of problem I would investigate what was happen and talk to the teacher.
October 16, 2013 at 3:38 pmSis, take action while it’s still early. Bullying is not acceptable and it is a great problem here in the U.S.- you better open this up to the principal or to your daughter’s teacher. That’s my opinion!
October 16, 2013 at 6:31 pmThanks for all the comments and concerns everyone. Rest assured that I am on top of this as I will monitor this. My daughter has assured me (and her friends and other close classmates) that the other fellow is not actually doing anything to call for intervention. It better stay that way…
October 16, 2013 at 6:57 pmI would definitely feel bad, not for my kid but for that kid who hated your daughter, i’m pretty sure the only reason why is jealousy. why would someone hated someone for no reason? I believe it’s because they are jealous.
October 16, 2013 at 11:38 pmYou are an admirable Mom, Sis; their hateful act towards your daughter didn’t bore animosity from you.
Hate could have sprung from jealousy all because your daughter have all the virtues and values that they don’t possess themselves. Bullies have problems and it should not be tolerated. Is there a way that it can be reported to the school authorities before the situation gets out of hand? I heard a lot of suicide cases and sadly, the evil cause was bullying.
October 17, 2013 at 12:01 amThank you is. I’ve been through a phase in high school where half of the class hated me. I wasn’t sure why but they did. But I managed to come out strong because of that experience. So, I’m telling my daughter to handle it maturely and make sure the other fellow doesn’t even come near her. She knows the drill sis.
October 18, 2013 at 9:41 amI’ve been to my daughters school many times and as far as I know No one bullies her or her friends. The fact the they are only 15 students in one room is good because the teacher can look after them very easy. In their class she has african american, korean, japanese, malay and chinese all of them are good friends. even in the school bus. tkeaction very fast sis bullying is not a right action for a students parents of that bully should be called. Her school is using British Curriculum as well. Goodluck sis.
October 17, 2013 at 1:39 amYou should be glad that your daughter tells you about this. Some children do not tell their parents about what happens inside the school campus. May that boy learn his lessons soon and stop showing hatred to your child.
October 17, 2013 at 3:10 amBullies are everywhere, thank God your daughter told you what happened at school. My 2-cents advice… go tell the school admin about this issue and if the need arises confront this bully and tell him to stay away from your kid.
October 17, 2013 at 5:29 amThanks Kuya. My hubby and I are watching this situation closely. We’re regularly checking with our daughter and her friend to see if the guy is doing anything stupid.
October 18, 2013 at 9:40 amBullying in school can be taken as a serious matter depending on the effects to the victim. This problem can be found mostly in multicultural countries. Perhaps, because of differences in beliefs, cultures, values, etc. This can happen anywhere. And it depends on the parent how to help his child who is being bullied to handle this situation. The first thing to do is don’t be over react and emotional. Help your child analyze the situation how it’s started and figure out the probable cause. There are lots of possible causes and solutions but, definitely fighting back and be violent is not a good advice. And yes, it depends on the situation. As I always say to my child, I won’t be happy to see her fighting and hurting other people. If she can avoid troubles, do it as much as she can. Just keep in mind, do the right thing always. But if there will be time that she thinks she’s in danger, well, it’s a different thing. She must then defend herself. Parents can’t be with their children always. We should rather teach our child to stand on his feet alone when needed but on a right way.
October 17, 2013 at 11:17 amThis is very sad Sis and understand you totally. I would go to her school, ask the teacher to know about it. I am glad that your daughter is a tough cookie 🙂 I am sure that she can move on. Life is so precious to focus on somebody that hates her. It is not your daughter’s loss but the boy.
October 17, 2013 at 3:31 pmMy daughter is indeed one hard cookie to crack. She’s taken that after me hahaha… Kidding aside sis, the situation is being monitored. I will see to it that it doesn’t get too far where we will have to intervene. As long as the guy doesn’t hurt my daughter and her friend, we’ll be standing by, watching like a hawk.
October 18, 2013 at 9:33 amThank God we now have an anti bully law here in Philippines. I myself even encountered a bully experience when I was a child. I guess almost all of us might have experienced it.
October 17, 2013 at 3:38 pmThat’s something good to hear Sarah. Well, bullying is not that common here in Dubai but we’re keeping an eye on this issue. It’s no bullying, just someone not liking my daughter. That is all… I HOPE.
October 18, 2013 at 9:32 amIf it is only ‘hating’, all I can do is lectured my daughter on how to deal with it. But if it is bullying, then I will definitely call the attention of the school admin,
October 18, 2013 at 12:49 amSo far, it’s only up to that point “hating or not liking.” I keep asking my daughter and her friend about this. And they assured me that they won’t let the fellow do something that he will regret. I’ve informed my hubby on this so we’re closely monitoring. I hope the guy is just “crushing.”
October 18, 2013 at 9:31 am