Dealing With Your First Teen Heart Break

heartbreak094

I am not addressing this to my daughter because I don’t know if it’s applicable. I am writing this post for the other teens out there who are going through their very “first heart break.”

I remember the time when infatuation and puppy love were 2 of the most confusing aspect of my teen years. Why was I confused? First and foremost, I was the “dense” kind of person who couldn’t read the “signals” until the guy actually told me how he felt and second, my brain was in constant battle with my heart, all-the-time! Back then, if you’re only 15 and you talk about “young love” to your oldies, either you get a good smacking or a mouthful. So what I did, I kept my feelings to myself.

The confusion tore me so much that it changed my mood, personality and perception in life. Only to realize many years after, those times when I was confused and “broken hearted” over a crush or puppy love that never came to being was just a part of growing up.

I am not proud to admit it but  I had my first “non-exclusive-mutual-understanding” relationship with a classmate when I was in Third Year high school. I must have been 14 that time. We knew we liked each other, everybody in school knew I liked him and he liked me. Of course, my parents didn’t know because they would say, kids my age couldn’t feel such emotions. But I proved them wrong, I felt the confusing emotions and went with what my heart dictated. I remembered my mom telling me to study first and not let love or infatuation get in the way of what was my main priority that time. I understood later on why my mom told me that because I remember vividly the pain I felt and how my world turned upside down when the “so-called-bf” decided to just let go. Let go of what? The feelings we had for each other or the whole “beautiful-non-exclusive-relationship?” And that too, coming from a guy! All those times, I thought, guys never leave girls. And girls usually do the breaking up. Boy, I was so wrong!

It was a long time before I stood up again from what seemed to be an eternity of pain. I had my first blow of heart break. My studies spiraled and it was my fault because all I could do was cry and wonder what I have said or done to make him not “like or love” me anymore? I had a moment of insecurity too because I thought, I wasn’t pretty enough, wasn’t tall enough, wasn’t perfect enough. And it’s not good for a young person to think of that because a younger mind with none existent experience on the matters of the heart would not be able to process the whole painful thing in a mature manner. It can be destructive for some kids.

I must have shed a million tears that time. My heart was crushed and what was more painful was, seeing him everyday in class and he would be laughing with friends and flirting with other girls when few days ago, we were together. It was bad!

All these pains I hid from my parents because I didn’t want them to worry and I thought I was mature enough to handle such experience. I was wrong. I needed my parents more than ever that time. They have been there and they know better.

You see young ones, everybody goes through the painful process of growing up. They call that growing pains. We have been there. We have gone through the process of sadness, anger, confusion and the beautiful part is the acceptance. Things will start and it will end too.  It will not always be rosy like those Japanese manga anime you watch in TV.  And more often, sometimes, the road will always be ONE-WAY. That means, that special feeling you feel inside will never, ever be reciprocated. Don’t feel bad about that. That’s how the world is. Always remember there will be other people out there who will accept, adore and make you their princess or prince. Now may not be the time but you will surely meet other people who will sweep you off your feet or make butterflies flutter in your stomach. Don’t rush love. Let it come to you naturally.

And if you are one of those who got hurt, acknowledge the pain. Cry if you must but never keep it to yourself. Tell an adult or an older sibling if you feel you cannot tell your parents. Allow a mature person to see things according to your perspective and let that adult talk senses to you. I will repeat myself over and over again, we have been there, we have done that and we have been hurt too. Who would be in a better authority to tell you stuff about love than us. Right?

Focus on your studies. Don’t let your heart break derail you from being the person that you should be – responsible. Love will come and go but your one shot to achieve your success in life relies more at this time in being a good student. Pour your attention to study more so the pain you’re feeling now will not ruin you. You will be surprised to know it  that the pain is gone and you have higher grades than before. And you my dear friend, is a better person than the last time you checked the mirror. Trust me.

Engage in sports or hobbies you have been delaying for so long. It will drive your energy and attention to something productive and “happy.”

Pray, pray, pray. Nothing beats a lonely heart than a good chat with God. My very first heartbreak made me more closer to God. It enriched my spiritual ties and realized that prayers do help in the recovery.  I have gotten broken hearted many times after the first and I was stronger each time I came out of those painful experiences due to prayers. He is my rock and as long as I believe in Him, He will keep me safe and strong.

Pick yourself up! Brush the dust off your knees, stand up and move on. Acceptance is the key to a healthy recovery. Don’t let pain ruin you. Control your life and not let your heart control you. There’s a reason why the head is above your heart so it can talk senses to your blindly-in-love heart. Let your brain tell you what to do for now until you’re old and mature enough to sort your feelings out.

Lastly, don’t ever, ever change to please someone or to win that person back. Have self-respect and treat yourself right. You deserve someone better. Enough said!

You are young. There are more opportunities and chances out there when you set foot in college. You will find others who will be deserving of your sincere emotion and the beautiful part  is, the next time may be beautiful.

One day, you’ll reminisce all your past experiences in life and love and you’ll be surprised to know how feeble it was – the first heart break. You’ll laugh about it and maybe will tell your kids about how you went through your first heartbreak. But don’t underestimate that experience because it’s the first of many “love lessons” you’ll learn in life.

Be young, live young and enjoy life.  Your parents will always be there for you. Talk to us. Talk to God.

And remember this, the heart will mend. It always does…

(photo credit: yahoo images)

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41 Comments

  • Reply Dhemz

    yay, I hope all teenagers can read this…brings back memories…lol!

    December 20, 2013 at 10:10 pm
    • Reply mommalogues

      Oo nga eh. Share natin sa kanila so they will understand that sometimes, they have to go through the pain eh to learn.

      December 21, 2013 at 6:00 pm
  • Reply Fernando Lachica

    Yes, only now we realized that it’s only a part of growing up. The same is true with our outlook in life.

    December 20, 2013 at 11:10 pm
    • Reply mommalogues

      Indeed, I hope kids these days won’t rush into things. There’s enough time for that when they are old enough. I’ve learned my lessons early in life. 😉

      December 21, 2013 at 6:01 pm
  • Reply juliana

    Ah… young love. Ang saya kaya. Your tips make sense. Although, when you’re that young none of these probably won’t make sense and insists on what you feel is right. We all have to go through it, I guess. Then later on learn from it and realize we should have listened to Mom 🙂

    December 20, 2013 at 11:40 pm
    • Reply mommalogues

      Very true…that time, I thought what I felt was right and I had to go with what my heart said. Little did I know that the reason the head was above the heart was to steer me from getting hurt eventually. Matigas kasi ulo ko. Ayan! hahahaha…. Lesson learned… Not quite. I had a string of bad relationships after that. Di na natuto talaga but I became wiser and stronger and BETTER. 😉

      December 21, 2013 at 5:59 pm
  • Reply Yesh Quijano

    Almost all teens really do feel this kind of heartbreak. I was madly in “love” too when I was a 3rd year high school student. She was pretty, pretty sexy…but pretty mean too!

    December 21, 2013 at 1:23 am
    • Reply mommalogues

      And how did you go about the heartache? Do share so our younger audience can benefit from your lessons in love and life. 🙂

      December 21, 2013 at 5:55 pm
  • Reply Teresa Martinez

    You couldn’t have said this piece any better. I hope young girls who are going through this difficult period will read this.

    December 21, 2013 at 3:11 am
    • Reply mommalogues

      Thanks po Ate Teresa. 🙂 I was compelled to share my experience because kids these days are just not thinking straight. The heart can be powerful and oftentimes, it can also impair our judgment. And at their age and lack of experience, they tend to make the wrong decisions. I feel sad to see some of them go through the pain but it is a good learning experience. It makes you a better and stronger person. If they will only see it that way.

      December 21, 2013 at 5:58 pm
  • Reply Philip Tan-Gatue, MD

    Oh God. I have a daughter who’s going ten. I hope not to deal with this in the near future. Or ever.

    December 21, 2013 at 3:16 am
  • Reply Chubskulit Rose

    I need this when my kids get to that age hehehe. My experience is a lot different from them so I won’t know how to approach the issue.

    December 21, 2013 at 3:34 am
    • Reply mommalogues

      Bookmark mo ito until such time you’ll have to refer to it. I hope naman that little Ms. Burrito doesn’t endure such pain. It will break my heart if someone breaks my daughter’s. I’d crush his heart too!

      December 21, 2013 at 5:54 pm
  • Reply Nova S

    oh man!!! this must be something that i am not looking forward to hear from my teen someday, seeing them hurt is something that a mother could not take, but its a way for them to learn as well, we shall see then.

    December 21, 2013 at 3:38 am
    • Reply mommalogues

      I dread the day like this one sis when my daughter will cry over a guy who just broke her heart. So far, she hasn’t told me anything about some issues of the “heart.” Why can’t kids understand that they are still young and love will come when they know they can handle it?

      December 21, 2013 at 5:53 pm
  • Reply betchai

    oh Ria, so love what you shared here, something that the teens indeed understand, something that some of us may want to write but can’t sit on it to write, but you did. I am sure, this would be helpful to the many teens who are undergoing through many confusions in their lives. I was very open to my mom about my feelings growing up, I was just glad she was there whenever I was confused with my feelings. but I know, most of my other friends couldn’t talk to their parents about relationships afraid they would be misunderstood.

    December 21, 2013 at 4:13 am
    • Reply mommalogues

      Thanks sis! I do encourage my daughter to be open to me as I am cool about these things of the heart but of course, she should know her limitations. I just hope she’ll be strong enough to endure the first heart break and not ruin her as most kids in her class were not as strong as they thought they were.

      December 21, 2013 at 5:52 pm
  • Reply Nova S

    This is really one great idea for those who haven’t experience dealing when our teens have this kind of experience in life

    December 21, 2013 at 4:25 am
  • Reply papaleng

    I can’t relate much sa post. LOL , Been there too and its hard talaga specially if the person is your’first love’ daw. Just look at other beauties and so sure you can get over sa relationship.

    December 21, 2013 at 5:02 am
  • Reply Chubskulit Rose

    God’s guidance is the strongest weapon we all can have.

    December 21, 2013 at 5:14 am
    • Reply mommalogues

      Amen sis and I agree. It’s the strength that you draw from your relationship with the Lord that makes you stonger.

      December 21, 2013 at 5:50 pm
  • Reply jo-anne

    I still remember my first heartbreak, but life goes on. Looking back, all those memories makes me who I am today.

    December 21, 2013 at 6:46 am
  • Reply Mari Bella

    Those who experienced having a relationship also passed these stages. And it’s true, getting up after falling down is best.

    December 21, 2013 at 1:10 pm
  • Reply Franc Ramon

    I think it’s great to develop more personal approach with teens and is always available in their period of confusion and heart breaks.

    December 21, 2013 at 5:35 pm
    • Reply mommalogues

      That’s why I tell my daughter that whenever she needs to have a talk, I’m all ears and her papa and I will always be there for her. I hope she does open up when the time comes and she is facing issues about young love.

      December 21, 2013 at 6:02 pm
  • Reply Anne Mary

    I should have my teenager eldest daughter read this. Thanks for the tips.

    December 22, 2013 at 1:51 am
    • Reply mommalogues

      sige nga sis anne 🙂 she can learn a lot from these love and life lessons… how old is your daughter, if I may ask?

      December 22, 2013 at 11:16 am
  • Reply Channel Imperial

    I agree that in order for us to move on from a heartbreak, we must acknowledge it first. Without acknowledging that it caused us pain, we cannot go to the next step, which is healing. ^_^

    December 22, 2013 at 9:42 am
    • Reply mommalogues

      very true but the problem is, younger people do not know the concept of moving on after a heartbreak. i feel bad for them but if they only know that things get better afterwards and not beat themselves up. sigh…

      December 22, 2013 at 11:16 am
  • Reply Algene

    Praying is the most powerful tool of all. When you have a broken heart, don’t forget to pray. It will remove all your heavy feelings and make you feel whole again 🙂

    December 23, 2013 at 2:41 am
    • Reply mommalogues

      Indeed iha. 🙂

      December 23, 2013 at 6:54 pm
  • Reply Marie

    I will let my girls read this (I have two teens aged 17 and 15). My eldest has not been totally in love yet (I hope she wont ever will – until she is 30 lol) and she tends to think that to be in love would be a fix-all…

    December 27, 2013 at 8:38 am
    • Reply mommalogues

      Thanks Marie. I would really like the young ones to read this post and pass it on to their friends who are going through their first heartbreak. It can be very painful and difficult esp without the guidance and support of an adult.

      December 28, 2013 at 5:53 am
  • Reply Liza

    “I will repeat myself over and over again, we have been there, we have done that and we have been hurt too. Who would be in a better authority to tell you stuff about love than us. Right?”

    You are so right sister. I grew up too without telling my mom about those things so I made sure it won’t happen to my kids. Mabuti naman at they tell me everything and they ask for my opinion and advise.

    December 27, 2013 at 9:12 am
    • Reply mommalogues

      That’s good sis. I’m happy they listened. I just hope that mine will… 😉

      December 28, 2013 at 5:50 am
  • Reply Marie

    I can relate to this so much! I was 15 when I had my first boyfriend. Everybody school knew I had a crush on him and he on me, so he did the move and court me. He even wanted to visit me at home and I automatically said NOOOOOOOO! No way!!! My Dad would kill me, or my mom.

    He is a pastor’s son and he is a gentleman yet we only lasted for three months. I broke up with him since my mom found out about our relationship and she was automatically said “World War 3” if I won’t end it. My mom was just afraid I might not be able to finish even just high school if I continued our relationship and I was like, “oh! Mom doesn’t trust me at all.” That hurt me and him. But, I don’t have a choice. My mom would kick me out of our house if I didn’t follow what she told me to do.

    I prayed and prayed and prayed to God to look after us after the break up. Guess, we really are not meant to be together. He is now a seminarian and we constantly talked as friends now. I am happy for him! I do admit, I still love him.

    HAHAHAHAHA! Pang blog post na itong comment ko ah! 😀 I got carried away. Ate! 😀

    December 27, 2013 at 5:43 pm
    • Reply mommalogues

      I do love to hear stories especially the younger generation as everything is still fresh. Ok lng if you leave a lengthy comment. I will surely appreciate it. 🙂

      December 28, 2013 at 5:49 am
  • Reply Jhari

    I very well remember that I was in grade 2 when the word “CRUSH” had meaning on me. I thought that when you have a crush on someone, he/she will be your husband/wife in the future hahahaha!!!

    December 27, 2013 at 7:21 pm
    • Reply mommalogues

      That was what I thought so too. Oh, the innocence of young kids, they’re so cute!

      December 28, 2013 at 5:48 am
  • Reply Eliz@PositiveKismet

    Your post brought back memories of lost love in my teen years and the pain you described is unbelievable. You shared this beautifully. TY!
    Elizabeth

    December 28, 2013 at 1:18 pm
    • Reply mommalogues

      Thank you Elizabeth. I had to take into consideration my daughter. I’m not sure if she’s in a stage where she’s dealing with her first “love” issues or her friends who are. But I hope, kids these days will open up to their parents or adults about matters of the heart. It can be very painful to go through the process alone.

      Thanks for your comment. 🙂 Happy 2014!

      January 1, 2014 at 6:17 am

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